Tower moments.

 Like I briefly mentioned yesterday, life is a little (a lot) stressful at the moment. I am quite emotional this morning. I journaled and worked with my cards to get a little clarity. A few days ago, I got the tower, and I have had the inkling even before that that big changes were coming down the pike. Change isn’t a bad thing, but it does tend to heighten my anxiety, just because my human habit is to believe that control equals safety. And I know that is not exactly true, and I am working on releasing that mindset. Moving my body and meditating is helpful, so I am making it a priority. (More of a priority than usual, I should say. I'm pretty regular with those things.) 

I am deep in my feelings right now, so I want to know what they are here to teach me. What messages do you have for me, anxious thoughts? What information do you carry with you, uncertainty and fear? I have so far figured out that I do not like situations where it seems I don’t have a real choice in the matter. I also, feel that I don’t have as much financial power as I would like to have, so that limits my choice in some situations. (I chose not to go into debt for a four-year degree. I don’t regret my decision; I don’t believe in regret. I love my chosen field, I am just acknowledging that being a person who doesn’t make a TON of money, means that I have less choice in certain circumstances.) I am also feeling like I want to put down some real roots, and build something (I have plans for my salon work, my artwork, and my healing practice), and life right now is like, “haha, no roots for you!” 

I am working hard on not feeling sorry for myself. That doesn’t do anyone a bit of good. I know, deep in my heart, that my deepest intention is to serve the highest good, so no matter what happens or what my job looks like, or where I am in the world, I am meant to be there. 

I am working on staying in the present. Big changes aren’t happening right this minute. There are a slew of possibilities, and worrying over if’s and when’s is not productive in the least. So I am choosing to stay in the now moment. Learn from the emotions that bubble up, take care of my inner child if she starts to feel uncertain in all this, and stay connected to Spirit, so I am sure of my next steps. I have to understand that I can’t have a death grip of control over every aspect of my life, but I CAN control my attitude toward situations and I can decide to stay present and release fear. (Releasing fear is a recurring theme if you haven’t noticed. It’s important, so the Universe will bring circumstances around now and then in order to remind me to KEEP RELEASING THE FEAR. That’s Earth school, baby!) 

So, that's where my head is at today. 

I am going to meditate some more, and calm my crazy ass down.


I hope you have a beautiful day.

Bye.

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